The last couple of days have been difficult for me. I think it's due to working on, and finally sending out my fundraising letter. Since I've sent it, I've gotten several responses which have brought up a ton of memories. I have just had Dino on the mind and have felt really sad the last couple of days.
So today I went for a run. It was a short run from my house up to this look out about 25 blocks away. As I approached, the Bruce Hornsby song, Rainbows Cadillac, came on my iPod. It's a very Dino-esque song with a lot of piano riffs. It's a really upbeat, fun song. If you don't know it - pull it up online and it will immediately make you think of Dino. Anyway, here I was, looking at the sun glistening off of Puget Sound, clear view of the craggy peaks of the Olympic Mt rage with cotton-like clouds hovering over them, sail boats drifting by and Bruce on my iPod. Dino was there for me after this hard week. He was there and I smiled the the whole way home.
This time Dino *Did it for me*
Friday, September 26, 2008
Monday, September 22, 2008
Smiles, tears, and more miles...
I hope this post finds everyone feeling a little more, how should I say...normal? I was feeling like I was travelling outside my body and that any day, I would be back in my body and all of this will have been a bad dream. Unfortunately, I'm back in my body, but it's all real. My last post sounded brutal , and I know its not easy to just "move on". I did that on purpose. Dino really was kind of brutal that way. I always went to him when I needed a kick in the ass. For the most part, he did not dwell on things, and he didn't allow his friends to dwell either.
Today is a little easier. Day by day, I find myself accepting this a little more. I have to. I have 2 babies and it's not fair for me to walk around, not allowing myself to enjoy the day to day gifts. It's been hard and I still think about Dino daily, hourly in fact. I have really tried to use the long runs to connect with him. In all honesty, I wish it was like a movie where a beautiful eagle will fly beside me and I'll just *know* it's my friend. Well, that hasn't happened. More so, I try to see him in a beautiful day, in quiet moments when I'm in the park alone, when I'm looking out over Puget Sound at the Olympics. I know it sounds woo woo, but I guess I'm just trying to listen to the universe to see if I can feel him, hear him, see him. Sometimes I really do. Don't get me wrong, it's not all harp music and sunsets - I could literally feel his disgust during last weeks Seahawks game. I just kept saying, "ooohhh somewhere Dino is piiiissssed!"
As for the race - there is good and not so good. Last week Jeff and I did about 17 miles and felt great. Both of us agreed, we could have run a little further. Yesterday we backed down to about 12 and I felt like shit. Go figure - I guess they all wont feel good. Next week we do 19-20, back down again, then back up to about 22 - rest - then race. The fundraising is on it's way. So far we've raised about $1500. I'm sure we can do more. Dick is going to post my fundraising letter (when I complete it) to Dino's blog. He's already seeking out organizations that will help to operate Dino's fund. We're not exactly sure what the money will be used for, but it will be something in Dino's name and it will be something that was important to him: music, writing, restoring Hetch Hetchy, cancer research. It's really up to the family to decide. Once it's all said and done, all of my fundraising money will go to his parents, and they will decide how to spend it. SO, we are all going to be part of something really exciting. I feel that this keeps Dino's spirit alive and strong. Thank you for those of you who have donated and thanks for reading.
Look back on my last few posts to find out how to donate. Also, feel free to contact me!
Do it for Dino!
Andi
Today is a little easier. Day by day, I find myself accepting this a little more. I have to. I have 2 babies and it's not fair for me to walk around, not allowing myself to enjoy the day to day gifts. It's been hard and I still think about Dino daily, hourly in fact. I have really tried to use the long runs to connect with him. In all honesty, I wish it was like a movie where a beautiful eagle will fly beside me and I'll just *know* it's my friend. Well, that hasn't happened. More so, I try to see him in a beautiful day, in quiet moments when I'm in the park alone, when I'm looking out over Puget Sound at the Olympics. I know it sounds woo woo, but I guess I'm just trying to listen to the universe to see if I can feel him, hear him, see him. Sometimes I really do. Don't get me wrong, it's not all harp music and sunsets - I could literally feel his disgust during last weeks Seahawks game. I just kept saying, "ooohhh somewhere Dino is piiiissssed!"
As for the race - there is good and not so good. Last week Jeff and I did about 17 miles and felt great. Both of us agreed, we could have run a little further. Yesterday we backed down to about 12 and I felt like shit. Go figure - I guess they all wont feel good. Next week we do 19-20, back down again, then back up to about 22 - rest - then race. The fundraising is on it's way. So far we've raised about $1500. I'm sure we can do more. Dick is going to post my fundraising letter (when I complete it) to Dino's blog. He's already seeking out organizations that will help to operate Dino's fund. We're not exactly sure what the money will be used for, but it will be something in Dino's name and it will be something that was important to him: music, writing, restoring Hetch Hetchy, cancer research. It's really up to the family to decide. Once it's all said and done, all of my fundraising money will go to his parents, and they will decide how to spend it. SO, we are all going to be part of something really exciting. I feel that this keeps Dino's spirit alive and strong. Thank you for those of you who have donated and thanks for reading.
Look back on my last few posts to find out how to donate. Also, feel free to contact me!
Do it for Dino!
Andi
Monday, September 8, 2008
Progress
Hi all. I hope everyone is healing and taking care of one another. This is tough isn't it? We are all settling in to the long-term phase of accepting that he isn't here and wondering how to move on. How do we go longer than 10-15 minutes without thinking of him and feeling so sad all the time?
I knew Dino for a long long time. He saw me through a lot of ups and downs. Here's what I know - Dino wasn't the friend you called when you wanted to be coddled. He was the one you called when you needed a kick in the butt. I'm sure his closest friends will attest to this. He definitely gave me the "these were the cards you were dealt - now move on" speech many many times in my life. He was not one who would allow his friends to linger in anger or sadness. He *wants* us to be well. I know it. He would be pissed if he knew how sad we were all still feeling. So, as hard as it is, with Dino in mind I tell you all - it's time to accept (not forget) and find a way to stop feeling so sad. He would say the same if he could, I know he would. Now if I could just follow my own advice.
As for the fundraising....Some money is starting to come in. I spoke with his parents over the weekend about what expenses are left. To be honest, they aren't really sure. What it sounds like is we're talking thousands, as opposed to tens of thousands. That being said, there are attorney fees, and general expenses that accrued during 3 months of staying in Oakland with Dino. The thought at this point is to take some of the money and apply it to something special in Dino's name. The details of this are still being worked out. I hope this motivates all of you. Wouldn't it be great to start something in his name: a scholarship, a camp for kids with cancer....Any ideas? I would love to hear them.
As for my training - I ran 15.7 miles today with Jeff Ramos. It was tough. I've been battling aches and pains, but that is to be expected when doing something as unnatural as running 15 miles. Tonight I feel pretty good with the help of wine, ice, and ibuprofen. This weekend I have a 17-18 miler, then we back down to 14ish, then we do 20. Yikes. I'll keep you all posted.
Remember - to donate you can go into any wells fargo branch and make a deposit in the memorial fund called "the Dino Scoppettone donation fund". If you want to transfer online call me or email me for the account number.
206-706-3217 or www.andiklove@gmail.com
OR you can send me a check in Dino's name. 2807 NW 61st Seattle WA 98107
I miss him like crazy. Life wont be the same without him, but he's with us all - I know it. Our memories are happy memories and I think that's how he would want us to feel when we think of him. Can you do that? Do it for Dino.
XOXO
Andi
I knew Dino for a long long time. He saw me through a lot of ups and downs. Here's what I know - Dino wasn't the friend you called when you wanted to be coddled. He was the one you called when you needed a kick in the butt. I'm sure his closest friends will attest to this. He definitely gave me the "these were the cards you were dealt - now move on" speech many many times in my life. He was not one who would allow his friends to linger in anger or sadness. He *wants* us to be well. I know it. He would be pissed if he knew how sad we were all still feeling. So, as hard as it is, with Dino in mind I tell you all - it's time to accept (not forget) and find a way to stop feeling so sad. He would say the same if he could, I know he would. Now if I could just follow my own advice.
As for the fundraising....Some money is starting to come in. I spoke with his parents over the weekend about what expenses are left. To be honest, they aren't really sure. What it sounds like is we're talking thousands, as opposed to tens of thousands. That being said, there are attorney fees, and general expenses that accrued during 3 months of staying in Oakland with Dino. The thought at this point is to take some of the money and apply it to something special in Dino's name. The details of this are still being worked out. I hope this motivates all of you. Wouldn't it be great to start something in his name: a scholarship, a camp for kids with cancer....Any ideas? I would love to hear them.
As for my training - I ran 15.7 miles today with Jeff Ramos. It was tough. I've been battling aches and pains, but that is to be expected when doing something as unnatural as running 15 miles. Tonight I feel pretty good with the help of wine, ice, and ibuprofen. This weekend I have a 17-18 miler, then we back down to 14ish, then we do 20. Yikes. I'll keep you all posted.
Remember - to donate you can go into any wells fargo branch and make a deposit in the memorial fund called "the Dino Scoppettone donation fund". If you want to transfer online call me or email me for the account number.
206-706-3217 or www.andiklove@gmail.com
OR you can send me a check in Dino's name. 2807 NW 61st Seattle WA 98107
I miss him like crazy. Life wont be the same without him, but he's with us all - I know it. Our memories are happy memories and I think that's how he would want us to feel when we think of him. Can you do that? Do it for Dino.
XOXO
Andi
Monday, September 1, 2008
Pushin through
Well, this was certainly a tough week for me. So, I guess I'm just supposed to get back to my life and move on? Not so easy. All week I felt like a breakdown was a breath away. Talking small talk with patients was difficult, especially when the people who knew why I missed a week of work would look at me with pity and apologize. They are only being supportive, but it was moments like this when I found myself gulping back the looming crying attack. I'm sure you all know what I mean.
One of Dino's best friends said the hard part is "settling into the much longer phase of missing him" and boy it's true. I have ended every run with a "peace" to wherever he is, and saying "I'm gonna miss you every day I'm alive" - and it's true.
Cal football started (Go Bears) and it just wasn't the same. I think I have talked to Dino every football day for the last few years. Even though Cal won, it was a lonely day. It will be bitter sweet irony when the Cal Bears go all the way AND the Seahawks win the Superbowl, wont it?
As for my training, I ran 14 miles on Saturday. It was the longest run I've done in a LONG time. I had my music and my water, and off I went. I felt pretty good, actually. When I would feel myself crash I would loudly say "Damn it Dino - PUSH ME". People probably thought I was nuts...oh well.
In re-reading this entry, it sort of sounds negative. Sorry. I know that in time, happy days will be with all of us again. I think for me it will be a long time. Today, I'm still very sad and there are few moments when he's not on my mind. Perhaps I'm afraid to let go and quite frankly, I'm not ready to.
My thoughts are always with his family, all of his friends, and of course the big man himself. I hope everyone is finding the happiness in little things and living life to the fullest. Dino would want that for all of us! Do it for Dino. xoxo
Andi
One of Dino's best friends said the hard part is "settling into the much longer phase of missing him" and boy it's true. I have ended every run with a "peace" to wherever he is, and saying "I'm gonna miss you every day I'm alive" - and it's true.
Cal football started (Go Bears) and it just wasn't the same. I think I have talked to Dino every football day for the last few years. Even though Cal won, it was a lonely day. It will be bitter sweet irony when the Cal Bears go all the way AND the Seahawks win the Superbowl, wont it?
As for my training, I ran 14 miles on Saturday. It was the longest run I've done in a LONG time. I had my music and my water, and off I went. I felt pretty good, actually. When I would feel myself crash I would loudly say "Damn it Dino - PUSH ME". People probably thought I was nuts...oh well.
In re-reading this entry, it sort of sounds negative. Sorry. I know that in time, happy days will be with all of us again. I think for me it will be a long time. Today, I'm still very sad and there are few moments when he's not on my mind. Perhaps I'm afraid to let go and quite frankly, I'm not ready to.
My thoughts are always with his family, all of his friends, and of course the big man himself. I hope everyone is finding the happiness in little things and living life to the fullest. Dino would want that for all of us! Do it for Dino. xoxo
Andi
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