Well, this was certainly a tough week for me. So, I guess I'm just supposed to get back to my life and move on? Not so easy. All week I felt like a breakdown was a breath away. Talking small talk with patients was difficult, especially when the people who knew why I missed a week of work would look at me with pity and apologize. They are only being supportive, but it was moments like this when I found myself gulping back the looming crying attack. I'm sure you all know what I mean.
One of Dino's best friends said the hard part is "settling into the much longer phase of missing him" and boy it's true. I have ended every run with a "peace" to wherever he is, and saying "I'm gonna miss you every day I'm alive" - and it's true.
Cal football started (Go Bears) and it just wasn't the same. I think I have talked to Dino every football day for the last few years. Even though Cal won, it was a lonely day. It will be bitter sweet irony when the Cal Bears go all the way AND the Seahawks win the Superbowl, wont it?
As for my training, I ran 14 miles on Saturday. It was the longest run I've done in a LONG time. I had my music and my water, and off I went. I felt pretty good, actually. When I would feel myself crash I would loudly say "Damn it Dino - PUSH ME". People probably thought I was nuts...oh well.
In re-reading this entry, it sort of sounds negative. Sorry. I know that in time, happy days will be with all of us again. I think for me it will be a long time. Today, I'm still very sad and there are few moments when he's not on my mind. Perhaps I'm afraid to let go and quite frankly, I'm not ready to.
My thoughts are always with his family, all of his friends, and of course the big man himself. I hope everyone is finding the happiness in little things and living life to the fullest. Dino would want that for all of us! Do it for Dino. xoxo
Andi
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1 comment:
Andi,
Big hug to you.
Good luck with your training. I do my marathon and a half in 2 weeks, and hit the same sort of block yesterday... and funny enough, I thought about Dino and mostly I thought that he would make fun of me for doing a walkathon. but it was still enough to motivate. I think that what you are doing is an amazing way to mark the important friendship you two shared. He would be so impressed!
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