Monday, September 22, 2008

Smiles, tears, and more miles...

I hope this post finds everyone feeling a little more, how should I say...normal? I was feeling like I was travelling outside my body and that any day, I would be back in my body and all of this will have been a bad dream. Unfortunately, I'm back in my body, but it's all real. My last post sounded brutal , and I know its not easy to just "move on". I did that on purpose. Dino really was kind of brutal that way. I always went to him when I needed a kick in the ass. For the most part, he did not dwell on things, and he didn't allow his friends to dwell either.

Today is a little easier. Day by day, I find myself accepting this a little more. I have to. I have 2 babies and it's not fair for me to walk around, not allowing myself to enjoy the day to day gifts. It's been hard and I still think about Dino daily, hourly in fact. I have really tried to use the long runs to connect with him. In all honesty, I wish it was like a movie where a beautiful eagle will fly beside me and I'll just *know* it's my friend. Well, that hasn't happened. More so, I try to see him in a beautiful day, in quiet moments when I'm in the park alone, when I'm looking out over Puget Sound at the Olympics. I know it sounds woo woo, but I guess I'm just trying to listen to the universe to see if I can feel him, hear him, see him. Sometimes I really do. Don't get me wrong, it's not all harp music and sunsets - I could literally feel his disgust during last weeks Seahawks game. I just kept saying, "ooohhh somewhere Dino is piiiissssed!"

As for the race - there is good and not so good. Last week Jeff and I did about 17 miles and felt great. Both of us agreed, we could have run a little further. Yesterday we backed down to about 12 and I felt like shit. Go figure - I guess they all wont feel good. Next week we do 19-20, back down again, then back up to about 22 - rest - then race. The fundraising is on it's way. So far we've raised about $1500. I'm sure we can do more. Dick is going to post my fundraising letter (when I complete it) to Dino's blog. He's already seeking out organizations that will help to operate Dino's fund. We're not exactly sure what the money will be used for, but it will be something in Dino's name and it will be something that was important to him: music, writing, restoring Hetch Hetchy, cancer research. It's really up to the family to decide. Once it's all said and done, all of my fundraising money will go to his parents, and they will decide how to spend it. SO, we are all going to be part of something really exciting. I feel that this keeps Dino's spirit alive and strong. Thank you for those of you who have donated and thanks for reading.

Look back on my last few posts to find out how to donate. Also, feel free to contact me!

Do it for Dino!

Andi

1 comment:

Sierra Versaggi said...

Andi,

I think you're amazing for running this marathon and for keeping Dino's spirit alive. I know how hard this journey has been for you too. Hang in there and we are all cheering for you!

-Sierra